This year has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Despite all the ups and downs, I have been fortunate enough to find some stability and clarity. The storm of panic attacks has settled and I’m in the space where it feels safe to be vocal about this journey.

So, it all began with the onset of coronavirus. For some, it was a golden time – exploring and learning new things. People were doing all sorts of things they couldn’t do due to their hectic lives and I was one of them, embracing the opportunity to explore. Until, one day when we received a call that turned our lives upside down. In the blink of an eye, we lost a close family member to coronavirus. I was all scared and after a few days of her demise, I started experiencing numbness in the right side of my body. I was scared that I might have developed some serious illness.

I visited three doctors in a single day, but none identified any problem with me. I went through numerous tests including CT scans and MRI but none of them could find any issues. It was only when I finally consulted another doctor that was able to identify the cause of my suffering. Nothing was physically wrong with me, and it turned out it was all in my head. I was experiencing psychosomatic symptoms.

Psychosomatic Disorders

So, let’s quickly understand what psychosomatic disorders actually mean. Psychosomatic disorder is a state in which psychological distress adversely affects your physiology (somatic). It involves the physiological symptoms influenced by psychological factors such as stress, anxiety, or mental health (Satsan & la Brugnoli, 2018).

The doctor recommended that I should see a psychiatrist or a psychologist to address these symptoms. Despite all the suffering I was kind of relieved that at least there was nothing physically wrong with me. This kind of upbringing is ingrained in all of us that if you’re fine psychically you’re fine overall. There is no such thing as mental health. Unfortunately, due to a lack of awareness and such upbringing, I didn’t bother to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. And after a few days, my symptoms started to get settled down on their own.

It All Started Again

My second traumatizing experience with anxiety and panic began just as I started developing an interest in psychology. I started reading about disorders and pretty much I was convinced that this is what I had been missing my whole life. Then started the next chapter when the lockdown ended and we returned to university. I had already begun preparing for the entrance exam for psychology to pursue this as a career.

A few days later, I got my bachelor’s degree, returned home, and geared up my preparations as the exam date was approaching. While all this was happening, my symptoms began to resurface. But this time, they were more severe. Suddenly I would feel as if I were dying, my heart would start palpitating, and I would break into cold sweats. Even, my mother started to notice when I would wake up in the middle of the night, gasping for air.

This went on for a few days, but this time, I was aware of my condition so without wasting any time, I contacted a psychologist and it was then I got to know so many mistakes that could have been avoided through this journey.

Mistakes

The first common mistake that many people make when dealing with this condition is googling their symptoms online. This validates the dilemma that we are facing some serious issues. Trust me this is a never-ending cycle and I, too, had fallen for it. I would google my symptoms, panic and convince myself that something was wrong with me.

The second most common mistake was consuming caffeine while dealing with anxiety and panic. Unfortunately, most people do not know that caffeine is a stimulant and it intensifies the symptoms of anxiety and panic. I was consuming a good amount of coffee to stay awake as my exam was approaching. While it might not have directly caused the attacks, it was adding to the symptoms making them worse.

The last and the most significant mistake is to believe everything you feel or sense. Every sensation becomes heightened and even mundane activities such as listening to music on headphones could become triggering. Despite knowing that it was just a panic attack and I would get through this, I would still feel as if I were going to die or I was convinced I was experiencing a heart attack. The best way to avoid such thoughts is to remind yourself that these feelings and thoughts do not hold any power. Acknowledge that you’re having a panic attack and that this too shall pass.

Healing

Now, let’s break down the things that helped me through this journey. To start with, having a proper understanding of what was happening to me. This is the first step towards the journey of healing that is to have a realization and gain sufficient awareness and understanding about what is going on with you.

Second, was my determination to get better which led me to seek help from the professional who provided valuable insights and delved into the root cause of this. My therapist recommended practicing mindfulness and incorporating some breathing exercises. While all of these contributed to my journey, the most crucial factor remains: Acknowledging it’s a panic attack and nothing is going to harm you.

My journey through anxiety and panic attacks has been a tough yet transformative experience for me. Along the way, I’ve discovered the importance of mental health and, of course, the support of your loved ones. Their presence makes this journey easier, just by being there. Just, remember you’re not alone in your journey and healing is possible with the right support.